Tag Archives: marriage problems

Marriage Advice … for All

Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.
Proverbs 11:12, ESV

Today happens to be my ninth wedding anniversary.

Any good husband will tell you there is a time when you should just keep your mouth shut and listen to your wife.

Honestly, it is advice that can go both ways. Neither partner should be so prideful as to assume you know everything better than the other. Mutual communication benefits both!

Conversely, it is unwise to speak down to the other. Belittling – literally causing someone’s ideas and character to seem small and meaningless – only creates pain and bitterness. It is no longer a partnership but a tyranny, and even more confusing when both are guilty of this. Whoever belittles attempts to control the other, and this means slavery and problems.

It is best to work together and be willing to hear each other out.

And, yes, I may be talking about married couples, but this advice applies to any relationship, even with strangers.

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Time to Think (or I’ll be in trouble)

Proverbs 27:15-16  

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.”
Changing Schedule

On a practical note, Proverbs 27:15 and 16 were originally scheduled for two separate posts. But on further reflection, they seemed to be better suited to be covered in one post. At first I did not think this was a wise idea, having always read verse 15 by itself. However, when I began reading these two verses together, it seemed obvious they were meant to be that way.

Therefore, instead of having a day with nothing said, you are receiving a bonus! Tomorrow we will look at these verses in more detail.

In the meantime…

Choosing Words

One of the greatest lessons a wise man can learn is when to speak…and when NOT to speak. This is especially true for men who are married (to women, that is). There is always a price to pay when we fail to choose our words carefully.

When I shared with my wife what I was going to be addressing for today’s “thought,” she made her thoughts very clear: “I hope you let everyone know that your wife is NOT like that.”

So, if I am supposed to write about Proverbs 27:15-16, how am I supposed to do it as one with any experience? If I say, “I know what Solomon’s talking about,” then I am certain to suffer. If I confess that I have never experienced the continual dropping of a very, very, almost endless rainy day, then my wisdom might be called into question. What should I do?

Suggestions

Dear friends, what are YOUR thoughts? How do YOU think I should handle this?

But before you make any suggestions, read the selected passage in the New Living Translation. I would hate for you to underestimate the gravity of the task ahead of me.

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.” – NLT

If I get this wrong, my lovely, pleasant, peaceful, easy-going, wife could choose to make my days very rainy, indeed.


Angry Women

Proverbs 21:19

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

1000 Women

Has anyone noticed that this is the second time Solomon has said something about angry women? It was only ten verses ago that he said it was better to “dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house (verse 9).” Do you think that Solomon could have been having marriage problems?

One of the great ironies in history is that the wisest man to ever live had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3)! One would think that with so much wisdom a man might have figured out a thing or two about the nature of women, but evidently he was either deficient in this one area, or a glutton for punishment. I am not as wise as Solomon, but even I could tell you that having more than one wife might be a bad idea, especially when you’re intending on sharing your life with a thousand! Good grief!

Solomon had a weakness for the opposite sex and all the money in the world to support his habit. 1 Kings 11:3 even says that his wives “turned away his heart” from God. In order to keep them happy, he built altars to other gods. As wise as he was, women were his downfall.

1000 Tempers

I tend to wonder what kind of “man cave” Solomon had. With all those wives and concubines, can you imagine how many tempers were constantly flaring? Can you imagine how many grudges were being held? When 2 or 3 women go to the ladies room together, rumor has it that they talk about us men. Can you imagine what emotional issues a harem full of women could talk about? And don’t you think they constantly blamed Solomon for everything?

It should come as no surprise that both times Solomon mentions women in this chapter he references emotion. After nearly 20 years of marriage and three daughters to my credit, I can speak from experience that women know how to get angry and stay angry. Women are different than men (duh!). It takes a wife that is filled with the Spirit to overcome her tendency to seethe over something stupid her husband did 10-15 years ago.

Advice for Solomon

It may be a little late, but if I could go back in time I would give Solomon a bit of humble advice. I would say to him, “King Solomon, sir, I have a few suggestions that could help you maintain peace in your palace, should you choose, in your wise and awesome wisdomness, to listen.

  • Find that ruby of a woman and make her a solitaire. One rare one is far better than a chest full of imported cubic zirconia.
  • Treat your wife with humility, love, and respect. An unloved and disrespected woman is an angry woman.
  • Money is great, but time is priceless. Spend time with your wife doing things she wants to do. A lonely woman is a bitter woman.
  • Worship the True God with your wife, not the idols of the world. Don’t marry outside the faith expecting to change her. Find a woman that loves the Lord and love Him with her. A woman at odds with you is a contentious woman.

Then I would say, “Choose to do otherwise, dear king, and you might as well go live in the wilderness.”


Time to Think

Proverbs 27:15-16  

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.”
Changing Schedule

On a practical note, Proverbs 27:15 and 16 were originally scheduled for two separate posts. But on further reflection, they seemed to be better suited to be covered in one post. At first I did not think this was a wise idea, having always read verse 15 by itself. However, when I began reading these two verses together, it seemed obvious they were meant to be that way.

Therefore, instead of having a day with nothing said, you are receiving a bonus! Tomorrow we will look at these verses in more detail.

In the meantime…

Choosing Words

One of the greatest lessons a wise man can learn is when to speak…and when NOT to speak. This is especially true for men who are married (to women, that is). There is always a price to pay when we fail to choose our words carefully.

When I shared with my wife what I was going to be addressing for today’s “thought,” she made her thoughts very clear: “I hope you let everyone know that your wife is NOT like that.”

So, if I am supposed to write about Proverbs 27:15-16, how am I supposed to do it as one with any experience? If I say, “I know what Solomon’s talking about,” then I am certain to suffer. If I confess that I have never experienced the continual dropping of a very, very, almost endless rainy day, then my wisdom might be called into question. What should I do?

Suggestions

Dear friends, what are YOUR thoughts? How do YOU think I should handle this?

But before you make any suggestions, read the selected passage in the New Living Translation. I would hate for you to underestimate the gravity of the task ahead of me.

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.” – NLT

If I get this wrong, my lovely, pleasant, peaceful, easy-going, wife could choose to make my days very rainy, indeed.


Angry Women

Proverbs 21:19

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

1000 Women

Has anyone noticed that this is the second time Solomon has said something about angry women? It was only ten verses ago that he said it was better to “dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house (verse 9).” Do you think that Solomon could have been having marriage problems?

One of the great ironies in history is that the wisest man to ever live had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3)! One would think that with so much wisdom a man might have figured out a thing or two about the nature of women, but evidently he was either deficient in this one area, or a glutton for punishment. I am not as wise as Solomon, but even I could tell you that having more than one wife might be a bad idea, especially when you’re intending on sharing your life with a thousand! Good grief!

Solomon had a weakness for the opposite sex and all the money in the world to support his habit. 1 Kings 11:3 even says that his wives “turned away his heart” from God. In order to keep them happy, he built altars to other gods. As wise as he was, women were his downfall.

1000 Tempers

I tend to wonder what kind of “man cave” Solomon had. With all those wives and concubines, can you imagine how many tempers were constantly flaring? Can you imagine how many grudges were being held? When 2 or 3 women go to the ladies room together, rumor has it that they talk about us men. Can you imagine what emotional issues a harem full of women could talk about? And don’t you think they constantly blamed Solomon for everything?

It should come as no surprise that both times Solomon mentions women in this chapter he references emotion. After nearly 20 years of marriage and three daughters to my credit, I can speak from experience that women know how to get angry and stay angry. Women are different than men (duh!). It takes a wife that is filled with the Spirit to overcome her tendency to seethe over something stupid her husband did 10-15 years ago.

Advice for Solomon

It may be a little late, but if I could go back in time I would give Solomon a bit of humble advice. I would say to him, “King Solomon, sir, I have a few suggestions that could help you maintain peace in your palace, should you choose, in your wise and awesome wisdomness, to listen.

  • Find that ruby of a woman and make her a solitaire. One rare one is far better than a chest full of imported cubic zirconia.
  • Treat your wife with humility, love, and respect. An unloved and disrespected woman is an angry woman.
  • Money is great, but time is priceless. Spend time with your wife doing things she wants to do. A lonely woman is a bitter woman.
  • Worship the True God with your wife, not the idols of the world. Don’t marry outside the faith expecting to change her. Find a woman that loves the Lord and love Him with her. A woman at odds with you is a contentious woman.

Then I would say, “Choose to do otherwise, dear king, and you might as well go live in the wilderness.”