Tag Archives: Friendship

Self-controlled

Proverbs 9:12

“If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: but if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.”

The Loud Mouth

Have you ever been around (or even been) that person who has to point out all the flaws? What about that person who gossips or cannot keep a secret? What about that person who just seems like a jerk?

Would you trust this person with a secret? Would you trust this person with almost any information? Would you want to hang out with this person?

Imagine for a moment (if you have to) that you are that person?

How would you feel if no one trusted you? How would you feel if no one wanted to be near you (at least for very long)?

What if you were struggling with something? What if you were depressed or in need?

That person – you – would have to bear that burden, and every burden, alone.

The Self-Controlled

The person everyone wants around them is the one who is trustworthy, can keep your confidence, and is generally genial.

Some people do not like these people (such as loud-mouths, jerks, etcetera), usually because the one who is self-controlled and wise embodies everything they are not. They might assume that the self-controlled person is arrogant and conceited. (This happens with many Christians)

The benefit to be self-controlled, though, is that life can seem pretty good. You have friends who can help you. You have loved ones near you when you are in need in any way.

We could almost say you should be wise and self-controlled for your own good.

As a reminder, Jesus Christ is the Wisdom of God. Therefore, the only true way live a wise and self-controlled life is with Christ.

O Lord, Your way is the only way. Give us our self-control that we do not destroy ourselves. Send Your Holy Spirit to strengthen and guide us in all wisdom. Not only that we may benefit and even find eternal life, but that You may be glorified in our lives.

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Loving Our Brother-Neighbor

Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off. -Proverbs 27:10, KJV

I have moved at least a dozen times in my life. A few of those were across big distances, some were relatively close (one was from one end of a building to the other).

I have also moved churches. In most of these instances of moving, there is pain. Friends are not as near. Some are even lost after communication is broken for one reason or another.

Some friendships have been bolstered. My wife and I had to move in with friends (such as in that move across a building), including where we are living as I write this.

It is because of instances like this I see the truth of this proverb. You see, my wife and I only have one family member in state – her grandmother. It would make very little sense for us to try to live with one of our brothers or sisters who literally live across the country.

However, this proverb sort of breaks down when we acknowledge that our neighbor who is a Christian is also our brother in Christ.

We should be able to rely on our Brothers, in this case.

In fact, my wife and I have been blessed to struggle through some difficulties, because we were forced to rely on our Brothers and Sisters, Christ’s body, the Church, to get by. We have seen God’s love and provision through those who are faithful to Him, including our current roommates.

So, if you must rely on a brother, may it be a Christian brother (or sister or both). Do not forsake these friends of our Father through Christ, for this is how we share His love, as Christ commanded. (John 14)


Wake Up, Sleepy Head!

Proverbs 27:14

“He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.”
“A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse!” – NLT
Wake Up!

Have you ever been fast asleep, dreaming of wonderful, happy times, then harshly brought back to consciousness by the loud, obnoxious, startling voice of an overly-cheerful, early-rising friend? Did you want to throw a heavy boot at his head?

There is nothing too spiritual about this proverb, in my opinion. It is not much more  than a warning to the early risers in the world. Those who scare people with a loud, “Good morning!” or “Wake up! It’s a beautiful day!” run the risk of serious injury, or at least being cursed.

Friendly Intentions

The point that Solomon is trying to make in this proverb is that even though one may have his friend’s best interests at heart, doing a good deed in the wrong manner may harm a relationship, not bless it.

In reality, a true friend should know another well enough to understand what will and will not offend. A real friend would know better than to storm into a deep sleeper’s room and scream out, “Time to wake up!” Even a happy, early riser should know better than to expect much movement from a friend who must have a cup of coffee before opening his eyes.

So, before you go out and try to do something “nice” for someone else, make sure you are not overstepping any boundaries. If you don’t use wisdom, what you intend for good might become a wake up call for you.


Forever Family

Proverbs 27:10.

“Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.” (KJV).

Never Abandon a Friend:

It’s unfortunate that we’re living in a world today where people don’t value friendships like they once did. Ours is a throwaway society where – if people get upset, hurt or offended – they abandon friendships. One of the biggest signs of our times is the fact that there is even a button on the social networking site Facebook where you can unfriend people!

In another Proverb, Solomon writes that “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (17:17) and “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (18:24). Ultimately, I believe those verses best describe our friendship with Jesus, but they are also an example for us to follow: to love at all times, to help people in their day of adversity, and to stick closer than a brother.

When Things Get Rough:

The Hebrew word eyd that is translated as calamity here means distress, burden or calamity. It is also translated in other versions of the Bible as “disaster”, “in your time of need” and “when things get rough” (The Message). In other words, when life happens! We all have days like that – like over a month ago when my oldest son Caleb was in a car accident. He and three of his football teammates were in a terrible collision that resulted in all of them being taken to the hospital. One of them had a concussion. Another one broke his nose. I thank the Lord that he and his friends are alive and recovering nicely. However, a month later and we are still working things out with our auto insurance company. The day of calamity, indeed!

Solomon gives us this advice for what to do in the day of calamity: Go to a friend for help. This is why it’s important that we never abandon friends, because we never know when we will need a helping hand. In the New Testament, over and over again we are encouraged to bear one another’s burdens, or share each other’s troubles and problems (Galatians 6:2). It is important though that as much as we should be willing to help others, we also need to learn how to ask people for help when we are in need as well.

We are Family:

I thank God for the church. The church is the family of God, and the Bible tells us that God sets the solitary in families. Church is a place where we can love and care for one another, pray for one another, encourage one another, and help each other.

If you don’t attend a local church, I want to encourage you to find a good Bible-believing church in your community and get involved. You will find support, help and hope there! And if you do attend a church, be faithfully committed to being a part of the body of believers there. Even though you might be doing well and feel like you don’t need them, maybe someone there needs what you have to give. We are family!


Get Out!

Proverbs 25:17

“Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.”

“Let’s Go to Bed…”

My mom and dad used to have some friends that we visited a lot. One time, after staying late watching television (we didn’t have one at the time), the man of the house stretched…yawned…then said to his wife:

“Honey, let’s go to bed so these people can go home.”

What a nice way to tell your friends to leave! Talk about shifting the blame, huh? It’s like saying: “These nice people feel obligated to stay here because we are awake. They must be tired of our company by now, so why not give them a way out?” In reality, it was a humorous way of telling someone “go home.”

Lingering Guests

Every once in a while people lose the ability to determine when a party is over. Some people, because of a host’s hospitality, feel they are more wanted, more part of the family, than they actually are. These people for get that the host has limited resources, both in food and patience.

Even those of us with close, intimate friends have times when we want to be alone. Good friends recognize this and are careful not to wear out their welcome. Selfish friends invite themselves over to ever family dinner, every game night, every outing, and never seem to get the message. When someone suggests going to bed so they can leave, they just say, “No problem, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Loving others requires us to respect them, so be a good guest and a respectful friend. 


Friend of the King

Proverbs 22:11

11 He that loveth pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend.
11 One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend. (NIV)

God does not change

People say the Old Testament is no longer necessary, because we have the New Testament with the Gospels and the Apostolic letters.

However, passages like this merely demonstrate that God has not changed over the millennia or between the Testaments. In fact, it was Jesus who said this during His Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Essentially, if we love the goodness found in people and seek it within ourselves, and if we show grace and mercy to others, we will see God face to face one day.

We just need to remember where this purity and grace comes from:

14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
John 15:14-17, NIV

Loving Lord, create in us a pure heart and fill us with Your grace, that we may love purity in and show grace to all others.


Evil Neighbors

Proverbs 21:10

10 The soul of the wicked desireth evil: his neighbour findeth no favour in his eyes.
10 The wicked crave evil; their neighbors get no mercy from them. (NIV)

Wild Neighbors

Several years ago my parents bought their first house. By this time, we were a fairly good Christians, and we were looking forward to meeting new neighbors.

One of our next door neighbors proved more difficult to know. Most weekends they would have loud, wild parties with drugs and alcohol; both the parents and the daughter would take turns throwing these parties. They would let their lawn grow wild. Even their dog frequently escaped and ran wild around the neighborhood.

No matter what we said or how many times the authorities were called, they persisted in their wild behavior. They had no concern about their neighbors being kept up all night, having to look at their uncared-for property, and dealing with their dog.

Two Paths

This verse tells us one thing: it is not good to pursue evil and not care about others. Not only will others not like us, but our life may be more bitter and difficult than we might care to admit.

However, the Bible tells us another thing, something my parents have lived out well: no matter how evil our neighbors may be, we must still love them.

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Galatians 5:14

An evil neighbor is not a reason to be evil to others, even to those who are evil to us. Instead, we must rise to God’s standard, and we must give love and mercy where we receive evil and no mercy.

Good Lord, keep us from the evil we are so apt to commit against each other. Help us to grow in Your love and mercy toward others.