Tag Archives: Rebuke

Flattery or Favour?

Proverbs 28:23

“He that rebuketh a man afterwards shall find more favour than he that flattereth with the tongue.” (KJV).

Love Languages:

One of my favourite books is one called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In this book, he talks about how people give and receive love in five main different ways: Words of affirmation, Acts of service, Receiving gifts, Quality time and Physical touch. It was a very practical, useful teaching because my wife and I have different love languages. Mine is words of affirmation, and hers is receiving gifts. The challenge came when I would want to communicate love with her, and I would use words of affirmation, but that didn’t translate well for her. When I discovered that her love language was receiving gifts, I found it much easier to communicate love to her in a way that she would understand it.

So my love language is words of affirmation. More than a gift, any act of service, time spent or physical touch, the best way to communicate love to me is through words. That’s why I may not get excited about a gift, but when someone sends me a card, letter or an e-mail with words of affirmation in it, I feel loved. However, there is a big difference between affirmation and flattery.

Affirmation or Flattery?

Have you ever had someone flatter you? Flattery is defined as “excessive, insincere praise.” As much as I enjoy genuine words of affirmation, there is nothing more annoying to me than fake words of flattery. And although I don’t like being rebuked or corrected either, I would rather have someone be honest with me and tell me what they really think.

Loving Rebuke:

If you really love someone, then when you see that they are getting off into trouble, or doing something that might hurt themselves or others, you will challenge and rebuke them. And believe me, I don’t enjoy this anymore than you do! I don’t like confrontation, but if I truly love my friends, then I need to be willing to bring rebuke or correction when they need it. They may not like it initially, but as Solomon says, “He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favour.”

Matthew Henry describes this well in his excellent Bible commentary: “He that cries out against his surgeon for hurting him when he is searching his wound will yet pay him well, and thank him too, when he has cured it.”

If a friend brings you a rebuke or a criticism about your behaviour, do a quick search and see if there’s anything to what they have to say. And, if what they are saying is true, humbly be quick to repent and change your behaviour. Then make sure you thank your friend for their loving concern for you and your well-being. If you see one of your friends getting off into trouble, make sure you speak the truth in love to them as well, and when you do, you can rest assured that sooner or later you will find their favour. They will appreciate your honesty!


Just Whip It?

Proverbs 17:10

A reproof entereth more into a wise man than an hundred stripes into a fool.” (KJV)
A rebuke impresses a discerning person, more than a hundred lashes a fool.” (NIV)

Have you ever been at work an been told you had been doing something wrong?

How did you take the news?

Did you seek advice? Did you make the necessary change? Did you examine possible ways to not let it happen again?

That would be the wise thing to do.

Or did you keep doing the same thing until you had to be reprimanded or even fired? Was the only thing that could make you listen the threat of losing pay or your job?

In Life

If you have heard a word from God (a friend telling you something is not good for you or bad, hearing a special sermon that spoke to you, reading your Bible, etcetera), how did you take the news?

Did you seek advice from others? Did you make the necessary change? Did you examine your life to find ways to not let it happen again?

That is the wise thing to do.

Or did you decide to keep doing your own thing and wait for the consequences?

Are you looking for peace in your life, or are you living within the violence of sin?

Did you whip your life into shape, or are you allowing the devil’s whip to continue weakening your soul?

Merciful God, grant us the wisdom to heed the warnings we receive in life or from You. Help us to change from a love of violence to a love of peace and understanding.


Listen Like a Wise Son

Proverbs 13:1

“A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.”

The Hot Pot and Life

When I was a child, my parents warned me not to touch a pot sitting on the stove. “It is hot, and it will burn you,” they told me. (To test this, I waited until a few minutes after they shut off the burner under the pot, then I touched it. It was very, very warm!)

When my sister was told this same bit of information, she still reached for that hot pot. She was burned, because she did not listen.

As we grew older, our parents continued to give us advice and warnings about things. Sometimes it meant they had to punish us for not listening to them (such as taking a cookie after being told to wait until after dinner).

Many times, I avoided some things that would have caused pain or grief, because my parents warned me of the dangers, such as doing drugs, avoiding certain “goods” or services, and hanging out with certain crowds. (It does not mean I always listened, and it led to grief. Remember my examples with a young woman.)

A Loving Father

God is our Heavenly Father who has sent us warnings and guidance (Prophets, Jesus of Nazareth, Jesus’ Disciples, the Bible) about who we are by nature and the consequences of following our nature (sin) over Him.

If we are wise, we will listen to the Father’s instructions and live well.

If we scorn His teachings, we must deal His rebuke. Often times, His rebukes come about as the natural consequences of our sinful choices. Sometimes He denies us things we want, such as jobs, promotions, transportation, time with loved ones, and on and on.

Too many times we default to “God is punishing me! He must hate me!” The truth is that He is allowing us to live with our choices, because He loves us enough to give us what we want: Not Him.

Because that is what we are really choosing when we rebel.

Choose wisdom. Choose God.

Merciful God, thank You for Your Word and guidance. Give us the wisdom to choose You, and help us hear Your rebuke when we fail. Help us to live wisely with each other.


Reprove the Reprovable

Proverbs 9:8 

“Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.”

A Little Irony

In one way it seems counter-intuitive to be told not to reprove someone, but that is exactly what Solomon is saying. Some people refuse to be corrected.

It not only seems counter-intuitive, but ironic. Why would the “wise man” need to be rebuked? Shouldn’t we be rebuking the fool? It’s almost crazy, isn’t it? Don’t correct the fool, but do correct the wise: maybe we should dig into this a little further.

The Scorner

Let’s think about the scorner for a moment. Gesenius described the scorner as one who derides and mocks, maybe even by “imitating [the reprover’s] voice in sport.” In other words, the scorner could be thought of as someone who, when corrected, comes back with a “nah nah nah nah boo boo, I can’t hear you.” Trying to reprove someone like that is more likely to make you angry, rather than help him.

A scorner is also not likely to take kindly to the reprover’s suggestions. Scorners are proud and unwilling to hear instruction. They get offended at the mere notion they could be wrong. This kind of person is just as likely to become your enemy, calling you everything from “judgmental” to “self-righteous” in an attempt to hypocritically justify himself. Therefore, it is impossible to be a friend to a scorner, for they will only hate you when you wound them as a friend (Prov. 27:6).

The Wise Man

Isn’t it wonderful to encounter someone who accepts instruction and reproof? A wise man will accept rebuke because he wants to do what is right, not what is right in his own eyes. Instead of hating you, a wise person will say, “I love you!” They will see that by calling them out about a wrong only serves to keep them in the right.

However, we should be very careful when we attempt to rebuke others. If we don’t do it in love, then the wise will be able to discern our intent. Then, along with the fool who hates our reproof, we may end up losing a friend, as well.

A Prayer

Lord, help me to be teachable. Help me to love those who want me to succeed in life. Help me to never resent the one who loving points out my faults, so that I may change. 


Flattery or Favour?

Proverbs 28:23.
“He that rebuketh a man afterwards shall find more favour than he that flattereth with the tongue.” (KJV).

Love Languages:

One of my favourite books is one called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In this book, he talks about how people give and receive love in five main different ways: Words of affirmation, Acts of service, Receiving gifts, Quality time and Physical touch. It was a very practical, useful teaching because my wife and I have different love languages. Mine is words of affirmation, and hers is receiving gifts. The challenge came when I would want to communicate love with her, and I would use words of affirmation, but that didn’t translate well for her. When I discovered that her love language was receiving gifts, I found it much easier to communicate love to her in a way that she would understand it.

So my love language is words of affirmation. More than a gift, any act of service, time spent or physical touch, the best way to communicate love to me is through words. That’s why I may not get excited about a gift, but when someone sends me a card, letter or an e-mail with words of affirmation in it, I feel loved. However, there is a big difference between affirmation and flattery.

Affirmation or Flattery?

Have you ever had someone flatter you? Flattery is defined as “excessive, insincere praise.” As much as I enjoy genuine words of affirmation, there is nothing more annoying to me than fake words of flattery. And although I don’t like being rebuked or corrected either, I would rather have someone be honest with me and tell me what they really think.

Loving Rebuke:

If you really love someone, then when you see that they are getting off into trouble, or doing something that might hurt themselves or others, you will challenge and rebuke them. And believe me, I don’t enjoy this anymore than you do! I don’t like confrontation, but if I truly love my friends, then I need to be willing to bring rebuke or correction when they need it. They may not like it initially, but as Solomon says, “He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favour.”

Matthew Henry describes this well in his excellent Bible commentary: “He that cries out against his surgeon for hurting him when he is searching his wound will yet pay him well, and thank him too, when he has cured it.”

If a friend brings you a rebuke or a criticism about your behaviour, do a quick search and see if there’s anything to what they have to say. And, if what they are saying is true, humbly be quick to repent and change your behaviour. Then make sure you thank your friend for their loving concern for you and your well-being. If you see one of your friends getting off into trouble, make sure you speak the truth in love to them as well, and when you do, you can rest assured that sooner or later you will find their favour. They will appreciate your honesty!


Proverbs 13:1

13:1 A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.

The Hot Pot and Life

When I was a child, my parents warned me not to touch a pot sitting on the stove. “It is hot, and it will burn you,” they told me. (To test this, I waited until a few minutes after they shut off the burner under the pot, then I touched it. It was very, very warm!)

When my sister was told this same bit of information, she still reached for that hot pot. She was burned, because she did not listen.

As we grew older, our parents continued to give us advice and warnings about things. Sometimes it meant they had to punish us for not listening to them (such as taking a cookie after being told to wait until after dinner).

Many times, I avoided some things that would have caused pain or grief, because my parents warned me of the dangers, such as doing drugs, avoiding certain “goods” or services, and hanging out with certain crowds. (It does not mean I always listened, and it led to grief. Remember my examples with a young woman.)

A Loving Father

God is our Heavenly Father who has sent us warnings and guidance (Prophets, Jesus of Nazareth, Jesus’ Disciples, the Bible) about who we are by nature and the consequences of following our nature (sin) over Him.

If we are wise, we will listen to the Father’s instructions and live well.

If we scorn His teachings, we must deal His rebuke. Often times, His rebukes come about as the natural consequences of our sinful choices. Sometimes He denies us things we want, such as jobs, promotions, transportation, time with loved ones, and on and on.

Too many times we default to “God is punishing me! He must hate me!” The truth is that He is allowing us to live with our choices, because He loves us enough to give us what we want: Not Him.

Because that is what we are really choosing when we rebel.

Choose wisdom. Choose God.

Merciful God, thank You for Your Word and guidance. Give us the wisdom to choose You, and help us hear Your rebuke when we fail. Help us to live wisely with each other.