Category Archives: marriage

May 28, 2014

Get Drunk On Love!

By Grady Davidson

Proverbs 5:18-20

“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?”

A Sweet Spring

It’s the sweetest spring in the world, that spring seeping from the foot of Wolf Creek Mountain in the South Gap region of Bland County, Virginia.  The water of that spring is so delightful that my ancestors built their two-story log home next to that spring some 200 years ago.  At that time or shortly thereafter, they dug down around five feet, and encased the pool in stone. Later still, they built a log “spring house” to enclose and protect the spring itself, and to create a safe haven for the jugs of milk and tubs of butter which they kept chilled in the pool.  My father grew up fetching buckets of water from that spring every morning, and when he became a man and built a house of his own nearby, he tapped into that same ever-flowing source of sweet spring water to supply his new home.

Once you’ve tasted the best, no other water in the world is going to satisfy!

A Blessed Fountain

I think that’s what Solomon has in mind in Proverbs 5:18.  The precious union between a husband the wife of his youth is a satisfying, life-strengthening fountain to be enjoyed deeply and guarded faithfully.  As I type these words, my mind goes back to the many summer mornings I spent doing farm work in the environs of the spring house, and I recall the immense joy of plunging my sun-burned, sweat-streaked face deep into the pool and gulping down that sweet water.  Twenty-one years into marriage with the wife of my youth, I can affirm that the fountain of union with my precious wife is just as blessed and precious today, as it was on June 15, 1991, when we exchanged our vows of marriage.

Drinking to Intoxication

Did that heading get your attention?  Perhaps a closer examination of the verses above will make you think about the marriage relationship in an exciting and intriguing way.  In verse 18, the sexual union of husband and wife is described as a delightful fountain from which the couple is urged to drink deeply.  In verse 19, that union is depicted in even more intimate terms, with the metaphorical image of drinking from her breasts.  In verse 20, the “drinking” image is re-visited by a rhetorical question which the father asks the son, “Why would you want to be intoxicated in the embrace of a woman who is a stranger?”  (The ESV and the “new” NIV both pick up on the translation of the Hebrew “tis-geh” as “intoxication”, which I believe is preferable to the KJV “ravished”, in light of the author’s chosen metaphor of ‘drinking’.)

What’s the overall message? 

What’s the overall message? Within the context of marriage, to drink and get drunk on love!  Of course, Solomon develops this theme much more deeply in the Song of Solomon, in which the husband describes his union with his wife in similarly poetic language,

I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk…

And the community urges the couple to indulge in the joy of marital union,

Eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (Song of Solomon 5:1)

Can Marriage Really Be that Great?

Can marriage really be that great? Absolutely!  But first, re-visit the implicit warning.  If you’re not happy at home, then you’re most certainly not going to become happy through an affair.  An affair is a sure path to personal destruction.  (Many entries in this blog teach as much.)  If you and your spouse find yourselves struggling to make your marriage work, please know that there is hope and healing in Jesus Christ.  Locate a solid Christian marriage counselor.  If your spouse won’t go with you, then go alone.  You can work on “your stuff” even if he or she refuses to work on “his or her stuff”.  Attend a marriage conference together.  Family Life Today’s “Weekend to Remember” marriage conferences are phenomenal places to re-connect and start over.    http://www.familylife.com/weekend

Father God, I pray for those readers who have taken the time to read this entry.  I ask that by your Spirit, that their marriages would be strong, and that they would drink deeply from the spring of marital love.  Bless them I pray through Christ our Lord, Amen. 

1 Comment   |  tags: , , | posted in affection, Love, marriage

February 17, 2014

Blessed

By David

Proverbs 31:10, 28 

Who can find such a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies….
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

This last chapter of Proverbs has provided the male contributors to Proverbial Thought with several opportunities to reflect on the blessing of a good wife. Perhaps that is something all husbands should do more frequently. Perhaps by taking stock more often husbands would be prompted to praise their marriage partners instead of taking them for granted.

This challenge applies to our children too. How often do children fall into the same trap as their father and fail to appreciate just how blessed they are by their mother? This does saddle fathers with additional responsibility. If children see their father taking their mother for granted then it seems inevitable that they will fail to truly value the blessings they receive from their mother.

Marilyn and Reuben copySo here in my final entry as a contributor to Proverbial Thought I want to take the opportunity to thank my wife Marilyn. It is difficult to adequately express my gratitude. In two months we will celebrate our thirty-fifth wedding anniversary. As I look back on those thirty-five years I know that God has blessed me beyond anything I have ever deserved in a wife, and I thank Him for what I consider to be an arranged marriage. When God chose us for each other He knew what He was doing. He always does.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19: 3-6 NIV)

3 Comments   |  tags: | posted in affection, Love, marriage, Value and Worth

February 8, 2014

Just Keep Spinning

By Anthony Baker

Proverbs 31:10, 19 

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. … She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.”

Spindle and Distaff

The first question that we could ask is: “What in the world is a spindle and a distaff, and what would a woman be doing with them?” Seriously, how many people on the street could tell you what a spindle and a distaff are? One out of a hundred?

Susa woman spinning yarn

Susa woman spinning yarn

Actually, a spindle and distaff are ancient tools used in the making of yarn, or thread. Women back then, and today, spun material such as wool, flax, and goat’s hair to make the yarn and thread to weave into clothing. Spinning takes a lot of skill and coordination, too, which is rather amazing to watch.

Then and Now

The second question we could ask is: “How can we relate the idea of a good woman with her spinning tools to today?” In other words, if you’re gonna be looking for a Proverbs 31 woman in metropolitan Big City, USA, what is the equivalent of laying her hands to the spindle and distaff?

Find a woman that loves the work that she does, one who does it with grace and dexterity, even beauty. Find a woman that creates something useful and is not afraid of getting her hands dirty. Find a woman who is patient, purposeful, and productive with the talents God has given her.

Find a woman like that, and like the old folks would say, “You’ve got a keeper!”

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in marriage, Value and Worth, Work

February 3, 2014

A Spicy Ship

By Anthony Baker

Proverbs 31:10, 14

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. … She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.”

Being Careful

I must be careful, for anytime a man writes about his wife he should first consider: what he is about to say…the weather…her mood…her future mood…whether or not she will ever read what he writes…what people will tell her he wrote…and most importantly, has she taken out any new life insurance policies?

King Lemuel was a very fortunate man, much like king Solomon. Both had the luxury of living in a culture that prized such things as goats, flocks of sheep, and merchant’s ships. They thought these things were beautiful and found no difficulty in comparing their wives to them. However, I must be careful when I compare my wife to a heavily-laden wooden hull that creaks, leaks, and has to be patched with tar. I’m better off comparing her hair to a flock of goats, and her teeth to a flock of sheep (Sgs. 4:1-2)!

However, in order to keep with the program, I must find a way to relate to Proverbs 31:14, to share my “thoughts,” and to make application. Therefore, I will get to the point of what the passage is telling us, before I get into trouble.

Spiced Up

The rare and virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is like the merchant’s ships in that she is always a source of variety. Instead of being content with the same old stuff day after day, this woman is like a merchant’s ship, one that goes out far and wide to find new spices, new colors, and new fragrances to adorn not only herself, but to spice up her home.

Most people know how plain and dreary a man’s home can be without a good woman. I was always one who liked white walls, plain dishes, and simple clothes. But when my wife came along, up went color on the walls, color on the table, and color on me (I would have never worn anything but a white or blue shirt under a suit).

Bargains

The woman of this verse is also a bargain shopper. Like the merchant’s ship, she travels far and wide to find the best deals, the ones most advantageous to her family, and always comes back with something to show for her efforts.

Anyone who really knows me could tell you that I hate – I HATE – to negotiate on prices. On the other hand, my wife almost never pays full price for anything. I have literally witnessed her negotiate on an object at a rummage sale when the asking price was only 25 cents! My response was, “Valerie! Pay the man a quarter and let’s go!”

Variety is the spice of life, so they say. If that is true, a good woman brings plenty of flavor to the table.

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in marriage, Money and Finances, Relationships, Value and Worth, Wisdom

February 1, 2014

Mother Knows Best

By David

Proverbs 31:12 

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies……
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

ScanMother knows best when it comes to many things, with this verse one of several, beginning with verse 10, that deal with attributes every mother would like to see demonstrated in her daughters-in-law. My wife Marilyn and I have three daughters-in-law, but I’d rather use Marilyn as an example.

Now I don’t know if my mother judged Marilyn by any of the criteria listed in Proverbs 31 but I do know that after nearly thirty-five years of marriage I have absolutely no regrets that God chose us for each other. I do not need an ABC of virtuous women to tell me how fortunate and blessed I am to be married to Marilyn, who as well as a wonderful wife and mother, is also an excellent grandmother.

Thirty-five years of marriage is a long time. It is closer to forty years that we have been together, if you add in the years we spent courting. We have changed in appearance, but the one thing that hasn’t changed is the heart of my wife. I look at Marilyn and I see a very special person. Someone who has not only enriched my life, but the lives of other people around her. Quite simply, I have never met anyone like her. Marilyn has, in the words of this proverb, done me good – all the days of my life. And I am truly grateful.

3 Comments   |  tags: , | posted in advice, marriage, Relationships, Value and Worth

January 31, 2014

… Happy Life

By Daniel M. Klem

Proverbs 31:11

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (KJV)
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. (ESV)

Happy Wife …

Perhaps you have heard that saying “Happy wife, happy life.”

Personally, I disagree slightly, and, you can ask my wife, I rewrote it: “Better a holy wife than a happy wife.”

Temporary displeasure for the sake of holiness is better than happiness that is based on lies or misunderstandings which lead to mistrust.

Neither of us lets the other get away with simple platitudes or quick answers (though the occasional playful joke does happen!) We help each other to grow more Christ-like. We are not perfect, but the focus is on Christ.

The wonderful thing about this, is that we have complete trust in each other.

I know that I can trust may wife in any thing. Even if we were to “lose everything” and become homeless, as long as I have her my life is complete.

Holy Bride

Our Lord never promised this life would be easy. In fact, He warned us in John 16:33 that we “will have trouble” if we follow Him.

He has been preparing His Bride, the Church, for His return. Sometimes He rebukes, and often times He encourages (look at Revelation 2-3). He does not necessarily want a Bride that is happy if that happiness gets in the way of the relationship.

He seeks perfection, which can only be found in Him, and He has confidence that His Bride will achieve the mission He has given (Matthew 28:18-20) because He is always there to help us. Our life is complete with Him, and He wants to have us with Him forever. That is what is truly of value.

Loving Savior and Bridegroom, thank You for Your love. Fill us with a desire for You, for Your Bride the Church, and for each other. Strengthen our marriages and our other relationships with a love that refuses to compromise or settle.

2 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in marriage, Relationships, Value and Worth

January 31, 2014

The ABC’s of a Virtuous Woman

By Chris Jordan
Proverbs 31:10.
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

Background to the Poem:

This final passage of Scripture in the Book of Proverbs is actually a 22 verse poem, with each verse beginning with the letters of the Hebrew alphabet in order from Alpha to Omega. So in a way, you could call this section the “ABC’s of a Virtuous Woman.” Here you will find a description of a valuable, virtuous woman – the kind of wife every woman should strive to be, and every man should strive to find. Here we are going to examine the first verse in this passage:

A Virtuous Woman:

If you compare this translation of Proverbs 31:10 with others, you will find the word virtuous translated as worthy, competent, capable, valiant, excellent, good, noble and with strong character. Here King Lemuel says, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” The question is rhetorical of course, and what he is saying is that it is very difficult to find such a woman.

It is easy to find a charming woman. It is easy to find a beautiful woman. But to find a woman of virtue, with a noble, strong character? Good luck! Later in this passage, King Lemuel writes: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (v.30). Who then is a virtuous woman? A woman who fears the Lord, and obeys His commands.

I Found One!

Before I became a Christian and started following Jesus at the age of 18, I dated many different girls, and I’m ashamed to admit that virtue wasn’t always the first thing I looked for in a girl. But after I gave my life to Jesus Christ, I started looking for a woman who loved the Lord, and had a desire to please Him with her life. I’m happy to say that I found such a woman – Liza Woods. One of the things that attracted me to her was her virtue. She was a beautiful woman on the outside, yes, but on the inside, she had an excellent character that drew me to her.

Liza was 25 years old when we got married on March 25, 1995, and because she had devoted her life to Jesus Christ, she had never been with another man sexually before me. Because she was a virgin when we got married, and she had saved herself for me, I have never had fears or doubts about her faithfulness to me after we got married. For almost 20 years now, my life has been blessed and enriched by having a faithful, righteous, god-fearing woman as my wife. As verse 11 says, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her.” She is a virtuous woman indeed!

Chris & Liza

Chris & Liza

A Valuable Woman:

The second part of this verse tells us that a virtuous woman is worth far more than rubies. Translation? She is valuable! A virtuous woman is a gift and a treasure. And so here is the application to this Proverb: If you are a woman, then strive to be this Proverbs 31 woman. Be a virtuous woman who fears the Lord! And if you are a single man looking for a woman to marry, then seek out a virtuous woman. You’ll never regret a decision like that.

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in marriage

November 2, 2013

Time to Think

By Anthony Baker

Proverbs 27:15-16  

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.”
Changing Schedule

On a practical note, Proverbs 27:15 and 16 were originally scheduled for two separate posts. But on further reflection, they seemed to be better suited to be covered in one post. At first I did not think this was a wise idea, having always read verse 15 by itself. However, when I began reading these two verses together, it seemed obvious they were meant to be that way.

Therefore, instead of having a day with nothing said, you are receiving a bonus! Tomorrow we will look at these verses in more detail.

In the meantime…

Choosing Words

One of the greatest lessons a wise man can learn is when to speak…and when NOT to speak. This is especially true for men who are married (to women, that is). There is always a price to pay when we fail to choose our words carefully.

When I shared with my wife what I was going to be addressing for today’s “thought,” she made her thoughts very clear: “I hope you let everyone know that your wife is NOT like that.”

So, if I am supposed to write about Proverbs 27:15-16, how am I supposed to do it as one with any experience? If I say, “I know what Solomon’s talking about,” then I am certain to suffer. If I confess that I have never experienced the continual dropping of a very, very, almost endless rainy day, then my wisdom might be called into question. What should I do?

Suggestions

Dear friends, what are YOUR thoughts? How do YOU think I should handle this?

But before you make any suggestions, read the selected passage in the New Living Translation. I would hate for you to underestimate the gravity of the task ahead of me.

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.” – NLT

If I get this wrong, my lovely, pleasant, peaceful, easy-going, wife could choose to make my days very rainy, indeed.

2 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in advice, conversation/speech, marriage, Warnings, Wisdom

October 26, 2013

Wandering Away

By Daniel M. Klem

Proverbs 27:8

8 As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place.

Birds

A nest is an important place for a bird.

In their nest, a bird finds:

  • a home;
  • security from many predators, and related to this
  • a safe place to eat;
  • eggs, which lead to
  • young.

If a bird wanders away from its nest, it could potentially lose all of that.

Men … and Women

There decidedly has been a breakdown of the family over the past half-century. Many a man and woman has left a family to seek “happiness” or some other distant goal.

Divorce rates are currently around 50% in the Western world.

Single parenthood has been steadily rising.

The definition of marriage has been altered.

New definitions of “love” have come to the fore.

And what does it mean?

There is a lack of relational security for these people. Children learn confusing things about love and acceptance. There is a loss of absolute truth in many minds.

And what does this lead to?

Not happiness. Often it leads to pain, confusion, heartache, lack of direction, and lack of security in general.

What does God say?

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Mark 10:9, NIV

A man (or woman) who wanders from his place is the one who leaves behind his family and responsibility.

A man or woman who wanders from the Lord leaves behind God and responsibility.

Where does that leave you?

Heavenly Father, give us intimacy in our relationships, strength to endure struggles and to hold on, and a love we cannot comprehend. Teach us to be faithful through Your Holy Spirit.

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September 20, 2013

A Nagging Wife

By Chris Jordan

Proverbs 25:24.

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” (KJV).

nagging wife

Which Would You Choose?

If you had a choice between living in a big house and living in the corner on a roof, which would you choose? I believe most people would choose to live in a nice big house. But as Solomon is wont to do, he puts a little twist in his Proverb and says that it’s actually better to live on the roof… if there’s a brawling woman in that house!

But – what does the word brawling mean? If you look at some of the other ways this word is translated in other versions of the Bible, it reads: quarrelsome, contentious, nagging, and bitter-tongued. In other words, Solomon is talking about a contentious wife who likes to fight, nag, and stir up strife. If that’s the case, you would be better off on the roof, out in the cold with the wind and rain. If you ask me, neither one of these options sounds like fun!

Application:

How then should we apply this Scripture verse to our lives?

To the single young men: If you plan on getting married one day, take the time to prayerfully think through the choice of a spouse. Next to giving your life to Jesus Christ, there is no more important decision you will ever make. One of the deepest, most profound thoughts on marriage is this one: “Happy wife, happy life.” It’s true! If you have a wife who is quarrelsome, contentious, nagging and bitter-tongued, you will be miserable. So take the time to get to know your prospective mate before saying “I do!”

To the married men: If you have a wife who is peaceable, then thank the good Lord above. You are blessed! Proverbs 18:22 says, “Find a good spouse, you find a good life – and even more: the favor of God!” (The Message). However, if you have a wife who tends to be contentious, then pray for her. Pray that the Lord Jesus would change her heart, and that she would have the fruit of the Spirit in her life – which includes peace, kindness and gentleness.

To the married women: If I can be so bold as to give you a piece of (Scriptural) advice: Don’t be a nag! If you criticize and complain to your husband all the time, then don’t be surprised if he wants to spend all of his time out in the garage with his tools, watching football with the guys or being anywhere but with you. It’s no fun being around a woman who fights all the time.

A Post Script: Now lest some of you conclude that the Bible is picking on the women here, know that there are many Scriptural admonitions to the husband as well: Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25), to love her and never treat her harshly (Col 3:19), and to treat her with honour (1 Peter 3:7). The bottom line? If a wife will respect her husband, the husband will love his wife, and if the husband will love his wife, the wife will respect her husband (Eph. 5:33). Amen!

1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in marriage