Category Archives: Relationships

November 4, 2013

Iron Men

By Chris Jordan

Proverbs 27:17.

“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (KJV).

Iron Man

Men’s Ministry:

In addition to our weekly Sunday morning worship service, we also have many different specialized ministries in our church: We have a children’s ministry program which includes classes on Sundays where our kids can learn the Bible at their level of understanding. We have a youth group program for our grade 7-12 students that I have the joy of being personally involved with. We have a Christian 12-step recovery program called Overcomer’s Outreach, home groups, women’s ministry, and a men’s ministry. For some reason, the most challenging ministry we have in our church is our men’s ministry.

For as long as I have been the pastor of our church, we have had a challenge getting a good, solid men’s ministry group in place. Our main monthly meeting has been a breakfast meeting where the men gather for fellowship and to hear a challenging or inspiring teaching or testimony. However, we always seem to have a hard time getting men to commit to coming out. I’m not sure why, and I wonder if other churches have the same issues.

An Attack Against Men:

I wonder if part of the reason for this is the fact that our enemy – Satan – has declared war on the souls of men. True, he hates the entire human race, but for some reason, he is targeting the men, and trying to keep them from living totally sold-out lives for the Lord. I think he knows that if God can get a hold of a man’s heart, that he can do great things for God. Think about what would happen if we had more men in the church like Paul and Barnabas, “men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Acts 15:26).

And so this is why the enemy tries to keep men busy. Whether it is by fostering a workaholic attitude or getting them out of balance and distracted by things like sports, hunting or fishing, his goal is that they neglect their necessary roles as husbands, fathers, and men of God in the church. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those things in and of themselves – it’s all about balance).

We Need Iron Men!

Today’s Proverb is the theme verse for the men’s ministry in our church: “As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.” What Solomon is saying here is that we as men need to be in fellowship with one another – in strong, deep, mentoring relationships with one another, so that we can stay sharp and in keen. In our relationship with Jesus. In our relationships with our wives and children. In our relationships with others in the church and in the world.

The preacher Dwight Moody is quoted as having said: “The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him. I will try my utmost to be that man.” Will you? If you’re not involved in a meaningful, mentoring relationship with other men in your church who you are accountable to, I want to challenge you to do so today. Let’s sharpen one another in the Lord!

1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Relationships

October 26, 2013

Wandering Away

By Daniel M. Klem

Proverbs 27:8

8 As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place.

Birds

A nest is an important place for a bird.

In their nest, a bird finds:

  • a home;
  • security from many predators, and related to this
  • a safe place to eat;
  • eggs, which lead to
  • young.

If a bird wanders away from its nest, it could potentially lose all of that.

Men … and Women

There decidedly has been a breakdown of the family over the past half-century. Many a man and woman has left a family to seek “happiness” or some other distant goal.

Divorce rates are currently around 50% in the Western world.

Single parenthood has been steadily rising.

The definition of marriage has been altered.

New definitions of “love” have come to the fore.

And what does it mean?

There is a lack of relational security for these people. Children learn confusing things about love and acceptance. There is a loss of absolute truth in many minds.

And what does this lead to?

Not happiness. Often it leads to pain, confusion, heartache, lack of direction, and lack of security in general.

What does God say?

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Mark 10:9, NIV

A man (or woman) who wanders from his place is the one who leaves behind his family and responsibility.

A man or woman who wanders from the Lord leaves behind God and responsibility.

Where does that leave you?

Heavenly Father, give us intimacy in our relationships, strength to endure struggles and to hold on, and a love we cannot comprehend. Teach us to be faithful through Your Holy Spirit.

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October 23, 2013

No Lone Rangers!

By Chris Jordan

Proverbs 27:5.

“Open rebuke is better than secret love.” (KJV). 

When I was a student at Pacific Life Bible College (I graduated in 1999, so this was a while back!), I learned an important statistic that I have never forgotten. Seven out of ten leaders – men and women called by God to the ministry – will fail. They will either leave the ministry because of moral failure and are disqualified, or they will give up because they are burned out or discouraged. Do you know what the three out of ten leaders that finished well had in common? Only one thing: accountability relationships with another Christian.

What is accountability? The dictionary defines it as to be “responsible to someone or for some action; answerable.” In other words, God wants us to be responsible for one another, to help each other to grow in the Lord! When Solomon says that an open rebuke is better than hidden love, it means that sometimes in our friendships, we need to challenge our friends, when we see them getting off track or into something that we know is dangerous. These wounds from a friend may hurt, but the ultimate result is to help them to grow. It’s like iron sharpening iron – we challenge each other to be the best that we can be.

The Lone RangerI’ve said many times before that there are no Lone Rangers in the Body of Christ. I remember watching re-runs of that old western TV show when I was a kid, the story of a masked Texas Ranger who fought injustice in the Wild West. (Actually, they have recently made a movie version of this story starring Johnny Depp, though I haven’t seen it yet).

Ironically, even though his name was the Lone Ranger, he still had a trusty side-kick, a Native American named Tonto. Batman had Robin. Frodo had Samwise. Robin Hood had his merry men. And Jesus sent His disciples out two by two for a very good reason. You must not go through life alone! “Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

Lord, give us the courage to be open and honest in our relationships, and allow people to speak correction into our lives. Help us to realize that we need one another if we are going to finish well! And give us the courage to speak the truth in love, and openly rebuke our friends when that might be necessary. In Jesus’ name, amen!

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October 22, 2013

Red Mist vs The Green Eye Monster

By Nick

Proverbs 27:4

Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
    but who can stand before jealousy?

Ch Ch Ch Changes…

I was never that bothered about hitting 30. I just thought it would be a birthday like any other, the only significance being what others placed on it. I was wrong. Since hitting 30 my memory has declined, I can no longer stay up past midnight and operate the next day, sprained ankles take months to recover rather than days… you get the picture and it’s a grim one. I also noticed I was rapidly becoming a grumpy old man.

Red Mist

I decided to cheer up a bit, I couldn’t change some of the physical stuff but I could change the grumpiness, and I was doing so, and then we adopted a three year old boy! There is nothing that challenges patience greater than a child! I certainly look back on my own childhood now with a slightly different perspective! Raising a child certainly shows me the truth of the first part of this verse. For my son his anger can strike at any time with no obvious reasons and it cripples him. When I get angry it’s easier to spot the reasons but just as hard not to be overwhelmed and suddenly flip into hulk mode. Anger is overwhelming, but anger passes. Losing control is not comfortable, but it usually dissipates fairly quickly. The chemical reaction in our body does its work and then we come down. Our son certainly bounces back quickly, the events seemingly left in the past.

Green Eye Monsters

Just as we all experience anger, we all certainly recognise the pangs of envy. The writer of this proverb seems to be implying that jealousy is worse than anger. I wonder if it is because of jealousy’s lingering nature. Jealous leads us to be consumed by something we don’t yet have. At worst it can make us plot and plan devious schemes to obtain said items, at best it can lead to restless nights consumed with thoughts of our supposed ‘need’.

So What?

We may all agree with the verse in question but so what? Should we favour anger over jealousy? Anger and jealousy are both things that we are told God has experienced – so what is this verse all about? Well firstly I think there is a recognition that anger and jealousy are very much part of the human experience – there will be a day when they are gone, but for now we are stuck with them. But that doesn’t mean we have to indulge in them especially when they are both potentially destructive. This verse hints that we may not be able to control when they hit, but we can certainly limit the damage they cause.

Self Control

The problem is a lack of self control, we are encouraged to revel in our feelings as long as they make us feel better. This is world’s apart from the way of life Jesus choose, a life of self control and sacrifice benefiting others before himself. If we want to be more like Him we need to spend more time with Him drawing from His reserves of love, being strengthened to be self controlled and disciplined and getting grace when we invariably mess it up.

Philippians 2:1-11 (The Message) ‘If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.’

2 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in advice, counsel, Relationships, Wisdom

September 17, 2013

Happy Songs Not Allowed

By Anthony Baker

Proverbs 25:20

“As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, and as vinegar upon nitre, so is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart.”

Country Songs

banjoConsidering how I was born and “raised” in Tennessee, I know a little about country music. Believe it or not, I have written a country song (to prove I could), played and recorded music in Nashville, and even toured Brenda Lee‘s house when I was a kid (I helped her daughters with a lemonade stand).

Country music (at least the stuff before Kid Rock) was earthy, blue-collar music that spoke of real life, or at least what was left of it after one spent too much time hunting, fishing, or drinking in a bar. The lyrics were usually sad, depressing, and great reasons to stay drunk. For example…

“Hunting Dear”

I came home late from hunting deer / My wife drank all my favorite beer / And then before the night was even done / My fishing poles were broke in two / And as she said, “I’m gone – we’re through / She took my dog, my truck, and my gun!

So I’ll walk down to the bar / I can stumble along that far / A country boy don’t need a cheetn’ girl / I’ll drink away my pain / Till my dog comes home again / Then we’ll both go out together…huntin’ dear.

– by Anthony Baker (just now)

Heavy Hearts

The reason why country music is so loved is the same reason the blues are so popular: heavy, broken hearts. Some say it’s impossible to really play the blues if you’ve never been heartbroken. I believe it.

I don’t know what version of country or blues Solomon had playing in his chariot, but he evidently understood that people with broken or heavy hearts hate to hear happy songs. He implied that playing cheerful music for a heavy heart is about as smart as taking one’s coat off in cold weather, or pouring vinegar on soda.

It’s Like This…

Imagine the feeling of already being chilled, but then having your coat taken away. It’s like going from bad to worse. When a person is down and depressed the last thing he really wants to hear at the moment is, “I am happy; you can be too!” Saying (or singing) that just makes the cold even colder.

The word nitre comes from the Hebrew word נֶתֶר (nether), which is what we would recognize, today, as carbonate of soda. Have you ever seen what happens when you pour vinegar on baking soda?  Not only does the soda become worthless for cleaning, but it will explode! That’s what can happen when a sad person hears a happy song.

Just Listen

In reality, besides listening to country music or the blues, the one with a heavy heart needs someone to listen, to nod a head, and be a friend. Singing a happy song to a hurting friend, although well-meaning, may seem like you don’t care, or worse, like you haven’t heard.

“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities…” – Hebrews 4:15

Sometimes the best encouragement for a hurting friend or loved one is to cry along with them. That’s one reason why Jesus came.

2 Comments | posted in counsel, Friendship, Relationships, Warnings

August 18, 2013

The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth

By David

Proverbs 23:23 

Buy the truth, and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding.
Buy the truth and do not sell it – wisdom, instruction and insight as well. (NIV)

Have you ever seen truth for sale in a supermarket? It is sometimes a fact that product labeling hides the truth that something may be bad for our health, or that our bargain is the result of a supplier taking a loss so that the supermarket can make even larger profits. Who do you think funds the ‘buy one get one free’ promotions? Not the supermarket, that’s for sure.

Perhaps selling the truth might be a good sales tactic. Potential customers might flock to a store with a reputation for truthfulness. In a 1970s UK sitcom a certain Reginald Perrin set up a shop called ‘Grot’ with sales slogans such as; ‘every single thing in this shop is guaranteed absolutely useless,’ and ‘plenty of gifts for people with no taste.’ The fact that the shop was a runaway success was an indication perhaps of the value that Reggie Perrin’s customers placed on the truth. Within two years Grot expanded to a chain of forty-four shops.

Solomon knew the value in truth. He measured its worth on an equal basis with wisdom, instruction, and understanding. If we value the truth too, then we have a responsibility to ensure that we are as truthful with others as we expect others to be with us. Honesty is so important that it was included among the Ten Commandments (do not testify falsely against your neighbor – Exodus 20:16). Jesus taught that we will all be required to give an account on judgment day of every idle word we speak (Matthew 12:36). An idle word could be an untruth, a word spoken without thought, or an opinion expressed without understanding. A wise person takes the greatest of care with items of great value. How careful are you with the truth?

3 Comments   |  tags: | posted in advice, Relationships, Truth

August 5, 2013

Moving the Goalposts

By David

Proverbs 22:28 

Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set.
Don’t cheat your neighbor by moving the ancient boundary markers set up by previous generations. (NLT)

My house is one of a cul-de-sac of eleven homes that were built in the late 1980s on land that was previously an apple orchard. Owners of bungalows behind the new cul-de-sac believed that bungalows would be built in the orchard. Instead the developer built two-story homes that overlooked the bungalows. To placate the mainly elderly bungalow dwellers the developer erected a six-foot high fence between the new houses and the bungalows.

All was well until my rear fence blew down in a storm. The neighbor in the bungalow behind my house soon asked me when I would carry out repairs. I told him that according to my deeds the fence was his responsibility, and showed him the deeds. He then admitted that the fence had been built eighteen inches on my side of the original boundary and that he had removed the previous fence and gained eighteen inches of garden. Eighteen inches of my garden to be precise. Although hardly an ancient landmark, the boundary had been moved.

I do not believe that my neighbor intended to cheat me. He just did what seemed logical, never expecting to be rumbled one day. Am I bothered? Not really. I never had that eighteen-inch strip of land, and my neighbor is a good man, who on viewing my deeds immediately agreed to pay for the fence repair. Others may have taken a different view and demanded that the fence be moved.

moving-the-goal-posts_dilbert_9498While the removal of ancient landmarks was a serious offence when this proverb was written, the issue remains relevant today, but not only where property is concerned. The modern day equivalent in the UK is ‘moving the goalposts.’ This metaphor may have its origins in sport, but is increasingly used to describe an agreement or business deal where one party changes the conditions to the detriment of the other. The word cheat, as used in the NLT translation of this verse, is an apt description of a person who moves a boundary, the goalposts, or acts in a generally devious manner that harms another person to the benefit of the cheat.

There are goalposts or boundaries set for us by God that we should never try to move. In Acts 17:26 Paul states:  ‘From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.’ That is a mind-blowing statement. God who knows no boundaries is so involved in every aspect of our daily lives that He marked out boundaries for when and where we should live. This means that you are where you are now because God placed you there, and God wants you there. It is futile to try to move God’s goalposts. Instead we should rejoice in His intimate involvement in our lives.

9 Comments   |  tags: , | posted in Giving Honor, Promises, Relationships

July 25, 2013

Dealing with Troublemakers

By Chris Jordan

Proverbs 22:10.

“Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease.” (KJV). 

Building the Church:

I don’t know where it has come from, but we’ve got this idea in the church today that we need to keep everyone who walks through our doors. “We don’t want to lose anyone!” However, I would like to suggest to you today that maybe this isn’t the healthiest perspective to have when it comes to building the church.

Every church is full of good people and bad people – those who love the Lord and want to honor and obey Him, and those who don’t. However, the seeker-driven church model today is so anxious to get more and more people to join the church that they give no thought to lifestyle concerns, and will let anyone in if they would simply make a profession of faith. However, this leads to all sorts of problems!

If you let people join your church who don’t believe in your mission or vision, they’re not going to help fulfill God’s purpose for your church. In fact you might even find them fighting against what the Lord is calling you to do. (Incidentally, the word division comes from two words: di meaning two, and vision. Two visions). This is one of the many different situations that wise King Solomon is addressing in today’s Proverb.

Kick out the Troublemakers:

In the Message paraphrase of our Bible verse, Eugene Peterson writes: “Kick out the troublemakers and things will quiet down; you need a break from bickering and griping!” In other words, if you have someone in your church who is a troublemaker, then it’s probably best to ask them to leave – for the good of the church!

One of my life verses is Psalm 133 which says, “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious (anointing) oil… For there the Lord commanded the blessing– Life forevermore.” In other words, when a church (or a family) lives in unity, that’s where God’s anointing (presence), blessing, and eternal life can be found. But where there is strife, there is every evil work. That’s why it’s better to remove the troublemaker, for the sake of the unity in the church.

The Pruning of the Lord:

Now – this isn’t easy! As a pastor, I am thankful that I have never had to actually do this, although there are times where we have had troublemakers in our church. Thankfully, the Lord in His graciousness did some pruning and removed them from our body before they could to any more damage than they already had. And in every circumstance where the Lord brought about a pruning and removed a troublemaker, we found that the church always grew again in a better and a healthier way. So maybe a good starting point in dealing with a troublemaker is asking the Lord to do the pruning, so you don’t have to!

1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Relationships

July 22, 2013

Under Another

By Daniel M. Klem

Proverbs 22:7

7 The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

Buying a House

My wife and I just bought our first house.

Technically, it is not really ours, because we have to pay the bank for buying it for us. That means, for up to 30 years, the bank owns our house.

During that time, the bank owns our money. We have to give to them, or they can take from us our dwelling place! We serve them until the debt is paid.

Emotional Dependency

Banks may have financial superiority over many a homeowner, but there are other ways people control others.

The emotionally weak person will be either controlled by those who are more out of control of their emotions or inadvertently control their relationships out of their need.

The former situation has the person whose emotions are all over the place seeking power over the weaker person. They are rich in emotional intensity that they cannot control, therefore they control someone else.

The latter situation has the emotionally needy person draining others’ time and emotions. In this sense, it can be seen as the one rich in need has control over the person poor of need.

Neither is morally justifiable, but it happens all the time.

Moral Superiority

We all find ourselves in some emotional or moral need from time to time or for our entire lives.

There is One who is in perfect control of His emotions, and, though completely sovereign, He does not force us to obey Him, but He calls all people to repentance and forgiveness.

God wants us to live godly lives, not lives of manipulation of strong over weak.

Heavenly Father, help us to be good stewards of all that You have entrusted to us: finances, possessions, emotions, and each other. Guide us by the Holy Spirit into all righteousness, and rule over our hearts with Your grace and love.

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July 17, 2013

People Preferences

By Daniel M. Klem

Proverbs 22:2

2 The rich and poor meet together: the Lord is the maker of them all.
2 Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all.

Personal Preferences

We all have people we like more than others. This is why we have friends and families. There are just some people we like having around more than other people.

There is nothing wrong with liking some people more than others. Even Jesus had close friends (see His Twelve Disciples, and of those Peter, James, and John who were His closest friends).

The real danger comes when we show preferences for others for selfish reasons, when love for others is not the primary cause.

Favoritism

We must remember that God sees all people equally: as His loved children.

He does not love one more for having money and possessions or for not having money nor possessions.

God cares most for those who express their love and devotion for Him, yet He still shows love and grace to all people in some fashion.

We should do likewise, and, in fact, we are commanded to.

1 My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. 2 For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, 3 and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” 4 have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
James 2:1-4, ESV

Our Great God, thank You for Your love and grace. Help us to live out that love and grace with all people, regardless of wealth or social standing. Help us to love everyone as You have loved us through the cross.

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